Kathy Metcalf, a Dallas native, recently published her first memoir titled “You Don’t Have to be Happy to Be Gay,” which was released this past June.
At 77, Metcalf felt compelled to share her life experiences, especially after the passing of her partner and the approach of her birthday, which prompted her to reflect on her past.
“I figured I was getting old, and I don’t really have any family left to embarrass. So I wanted to write this book about my life in Dallas,” she said.
This memoir marks Metcalf’s third book, following the release of her novel “Forbes Road” in December 2024 and its prequel “Before Forbes Road,” both of which also came out in June of this year.
Metcalf deliberated for a long time before deciding to write her memoir, ultimately feeling that it was important to share her story.
In her writing, Metcalf captures a unique period in Dallas—specifically Oak Lawn—before it became known as a prominent gay neighborhood.
Having been born in 1948, she provides insight into a time when the area was decidedly different from the vibrant LGBTQ+ community culture it hosts today.
“It didn’t really become a gay neighborhood until the ’70s,” Metcalf recalled.
Living her entire life in Dallas, she has observed significant transformations within both the city and the community.
Her memories include living on Rawlins street during the early days of gay bars on Cedar Springs, a time when the space currently occupied by Sue Ellen’s used to be an auto garage.
Reflecting on her formative years, Metcalf underscores the stark contrast to the present-day experience for those exploring their sexual orientation.
“Being gay was not ‘in your face’ as it is now,” she said. “I had questions back then about feeling the way I did and what was wrong with me. I just didn’t fit in.”
Metcalf states her memoir serves as a cathartic process and a means to address unresolved questions she has carried throughout her life.
The description on Amazon highlights her need to clarify her uncertainties and solidify her understanding of her identity, stating, “I need to answer unanswered questions, calm the uncertainties, realize my expectations and solidify the confusion about my place, as a person, in this world.”
In her memoir, she details her journey of coming out at the age of 20, a time when that age marked adulthood.
She reminisces about commuting to North Texas and discovering the local gay scene in Dallas.
Metcalf shares poignant anecdotes, including her encounters in gay bars and eventually meeting her future partner despite currently being in a relationship with another woman at that time.
Her narrative extends to the year 2023, a particularly difficult year for her marked by multiple personal losses.
“That was a horrible year,” Metcalf said. “I got diagnosed with cancer, which I’ve survived. In the middle part of that year we lost our pets. And then in the latter part, Dee got cancer. She didn’t survive.
“I was digging graves one after the other.”
These profound losses and the accompanying grief became the driving force behind her decision to write her memoir.
Metcalf reflects, “I’m sure it was me grieving the past, looking back and reflecting on all that. I lost my partner that year, and we had been together for 38 years. It was devastating, and it also makes you aware of your own mortality.”
Through the process of writing, she has learned an important life lesson, one she wishes to pass on to others: “The biggest mistake we make in life is that we think we have time. And at my age, that’s not realistic. I feel like I can see a light at the end of my tunnel.”
Despite her struggles, Metcalf underscores the depth of her experiences and expresses a sense of fulfillment about her life thus far.
“I didn’t do too bad for a little gay girl,” she said.
Currently, she is already in the process of working on her next book, which she intends to target a younger audience.
Metcalf’s memoir and her two novels are available for purchase on Amazon.
image source from：dallasvoice
