In his latest memoir, “A Field Guide to the Subterranean: Reclaiming the Deep Earth and our Deepest Selves,” Justin Hocking delves into the complexities of masculinity and personal trauma.
Hocking shares his journey from aspiring mountaineer to introspective author, revealing how he grappled with the need to present a hard exterior.
During his late teens, Hocking trained to become a mountaineering guide in his home state of Colorado, where the majesty of the Rocky Mountains served as both a backdrop and a metaphor for his internal struggles.
His rigorous solo three-day fasting trips in the San Juan range fueled a sense of superiority over those he perceived as less adventurous.
However, these expeditions also crystallized a troubling ambition to conquer, a narrative shaped in part by literature gifted to him by his father.
One such book, Robert Bly’s influential work, “Iron John: A Book about Men,” argues against what Bly sees as men relinquishing their roles to women, suggesting instead a call to reclaim a more traditional, dominating masculinity.
For Hocking, grappling with these ideals was underscored by his past; he candidly details the prolonged sexual abuse he suffered as a child.
This traumatic experience led him to develop debilitating panic attacks and chronic depression, making machismo feel not merely appealing but essential in suppressing these painful emotions.
As he moved into his 20s, Hocking sought to embody a rugged identity, engaging in activities like skateboarding and drumming, while further pursuing his ambitions in mountaineering.
He envisioned being whisked away by fellow adventurers, finding solace in the wild, and shedding the burdens of his insecurities.
Yet, Hocking’s narrative extends beyond personal growth; it intertwines with historical reflections on the detriments of Western expansionism.
He draws parallels between his microcosmic desire for exploitation and the larger industrial forces, exemplified by figures like John D. Rockefeller Jr.
Through the lens of gender theory and labor history, Hocking illustrates how men in mining and other labor-intensive industries, often required to adopt a hard persona to cope with grueling work conditions, were ultimately exploited.
He delves into key historical events, including the Colorado Coalfield Strike of 1913, leading to the tragic Ludlow Massacre in 1914, where conflicts between strikers and militias left around 75 dead.
Hocking notes that Rockefeller, who faced no consequences for his actions, ultimately perpetuated a system that turned men into tools of labor, while the subsequent union movements pushed for much-needed reforms.
Reflecting on his decade-long writing process, Hocking credits the influence of fellow nature writer Barry Lopez, who addressed his experiences of childhood sexual abuse in a sensitive essay, inspiring Hocking to explore his scars in a similar manner.
He articulates the hope that human traumas can catalyze a greater sense of empathy and a deeper connection to nature and vulnerable communities.
In later chapters, Hocking shares profound insights from accompanying his long-term partner through her battle with breast cancer at a Hindu ashram in Costa Rica.
Amidst this backdrop, he observes profound acts of kindness from a monastic figure that broke his preconceived notions of masculinity, embodying a gentle, genuine, and masculine demeanor.
As Hocking matures through his thirties and forties, he reflects on a shift in his own relationship with nature.
What once was a desire to conquer the backcountry has transformed into a deeper appreciation for moments of relaxation and connection, often spent surfing or admiring birds from the shore.
This transition underscores a privilege he recognizes while embracing a simpler, yet more enriching interaction with the natural world.
Hocking’s memoir is a thoughtful exploration of the intersections between masculinity, personal trauma, and environmental awareness, providing readers with powerful insights into overcoming adversity and redefining one’s relationship with both self and nature.
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