In the aftermath of the L.A. wildfires that devastated countless homes, including one in the Palisades, a unique psychological phenomenon has emerged among the victims: delayed grief.
Many survivors, initially focused on immediate survival tasks, such as securing housing and basic necessities, find themselves facing a much heavier emotional burden as time passes.
A professor who lost her home described the early months post-wildfire as a time of laser focus and compartmentalization, where humor and resilience masked the lurking grief.
“I bellowed out to my students that the fires were the ultimate Marie Kondo exercise in decluttering,” she recalled, using dark humor as a coping mechanism.
However, this coping strategy did not shield her from the eventual waves of sadness that washed over her on a spring night filled with triggers from memories of loss.
As the summer unfolds and the academic semester concludes, many who experienced these profound losses report a surge in grief that strikes harder than before.
For many survivors, the acute crisis of losing their homes has now transitioned into a quiet but persistent realization of the permanence of their new reality.
A meeting with her doctor, also a long-time Palisades resident, reflects this sentiment; she expressed feelings of isolation as others moved on from their shared trauma. This doctor openly acknowledged the weight of their shared loss, saying, “Everyone else has moved on,” as tears filled her eyes.
Such reactions align with what psychologists term as delayed or complicated grief.
Stephen Kenneally, a therapist and Jungian analyst, explains that resilient individuals often postpone experiencing grief due to necessity.
Yet, inevitably, they must confront the weight of their losses, often in stark contrast to society’s perception of resilience.
Kenneally emphasizes that every individual’s grief journey is unique, urging people to connect with others who share similar experiences to avoid feeling isolated.
For survivors, connecting with neighbors who’ve endured similar losses helps create a bond where authentic feelings can be expressed without the pressure to appear ‘okay.’
This connection was evident in a conversation between two parents at an ice cream shop, wherein one remarked, “It depends on the day,” illustrating the ebb and flow of their emotional states.
In addition to seeking support, Kenneally encourages those grieving to allocate time for reflection and feeling their emotions.
Allowing oneself to sit with memories of what has been lost, no matter how painful, is crucial for healing.
The act of engaging with sorrow is also a pathway to uncovering deeper meanings and can lead to renewal.
The professor recalled an especially painful memory of losing the local rec center, a venue that held countless family memories and laughter.
As she experienced her grief more acutely, she recognized that acknowledging these memories was essential to her healing process.
“Feeling the pain is an important tool in addressing loss,” Kenneally asserts, advocating for expressive arts, storytelling, and mindful movement as means of coping.
Another fundamental aspect of processing grief is recognizing that it does not follow a linear trajectory.
The professor found herself convulsing between periods of apparent acceptance and sudden, unexpected reminders of her loss that would send her spiraling back into sorrow.
She offered an example of a book she planned to loan to a friend until she was reminded that it, along with countless other belongings, had been lost in the fire.
Similarly, feelings of longing surfaced when glancing at familiar landscapes or hearing recognitions of what once was home.
“Grief is not finite; there’s no neat ending point,” she reflected, understanding that personal evolution involves returning to that place of mourning.
One insightful metaphor shared by a friend suggests considering grief as a room in a house; while it may seem overwhelming at first, the journey through it can reveal new joys and sorrows, ultimately becoming an integrated part of one’s life story.
This holistic understanding of grief can be vital for all who have faced such a profound loss, creating spaces to honor memories while building upon the foundation of renewal.
Ultimately, as healing begins, the journey through grief remains a testament to the strength of community connection, resilience, and the human spirit.
image source from：latimes
