After spending their entire lives in upstate New York, a couple, along with their two children, decided to make a significant change in 2019.
They moved to the suburbs surrounding Charlotte, North Carolina, ultimately settling just over the border in South Carolina, eager to embrace new opportunities and a warmer climate.
While they anticipated a fresh start, the adjustment period proved to be more challenging than they had expected.
As they reflect on nearly six years of living in South Carolina, the family still grapples with feelings of isolation and a sense of not fully belonging.
Several key factors have contributed to their ongoing sense of displacement.
At the time of their move, their children were entering fifth and seventh grades, an age where social dynamics shift significantly.
Unlike when they were younger and actively engaged in playgroups, the children were now at a stage where they were expected to navigate friendships largely on their own.
Almost immediately after relocating, the family dove into new jobs and school routines, only to realize that they were struggling to make meaningful connections within their new community.
The situation took a more isolating turn when the COVID-19 pandemic struck shortly after they settled in.
With schools closing and social distancing measures in place, the family found themselves cut off from opportunities to meet new people.
The isolation was particularly difficult for their children, who experienced over a year of distance learning without the chance to make friends in person.
While they appreciated the extra family time during the pandemic, the lack of social interaction added a layer of loneliness to their experience in a new environment.
As they tried to forge connections, they encountered challenges linked to their differing religious beliefs.
The couple, who identify as lapsed Catholics, moved to a town where many families are deeply involved in Baptist, Methodist, or nondenominational mega-churches.
They recognized that joining a local church could potentially expedite the process of making friends, but felt it would be inauthentic given their lack of religious conviction.
Their children faced additional hurdles as well, with some parents expressing a preference for their kids to socialize with other Christians.
This has led to awkward moments and the fading of potential friendships when their children declined invitations that included mandatory church attendance.
Although their religious differences are not the sole obstacle to fitting in, they certainly add to the overall feeling of disconnection for the family.
The void left by the absence of their extended families has also weighed heavily on their hearts.
Coming from close-knit families, they deeply valued the traditions and support that come from living nearby loved ones.
The family’s decision to leave New York, largely driven by the husband’s career ambitions and a desire for a change, came with the unexpected realization of how much they relied on their family for emotional and social support.
As time has passed, the pain of being so far away has intensified, especially after the loss of a grandmother and father, as well as the health struggles faced by the husband’s mother.
Additionally, big family milestones, like a sibling’s wedding and the birth of a niece, have made their geographical distance all the more pronounced.
Despite knowing what they were giving up, the reality of missing important life events has caused feelings of guilt and sadness.
These emotions are compounded by the reality of their need to stay in South Carolina for the time being, due to their daughter’s decision to attend a university there.
While they are incredibly proud of her achievement, it also means that they may have to stay in South Carolina for an additional four years, depending on their son’s college decisions.
The thought of being rooted in the same place for several more years is daunting yet illuminates opportunities for change.
The family is currently considering relocating within South Carolina to a more suitable area that aligns better with their active lifestyle.
A move to the low-country region, closer to the coast and nearer to the writer’s parents, could possibly provide them with some much-needed familial support and a chance to build new community ties.
While they still miss their families immensely and acknowledge the difficulty of their transition, they hold on to the belief that they had valid reasons for leaving New York.
Ultimately, the hope is that with a strategic move in the future, they might find the connections and community they are seeking to make their lives feel more like home.
image source from：businessinsider
