The author reflects on the idea that marriage was instilled in her from a young age, influenced by societal norms and the cultural background of growing up in a Jewish family in the Soviet Union.
This upbringing often made her feel that her ultimate purpose in life was to marry and have children.
Yet, as she navigated through different ideologies in liberal Los Angeles, she wondered if it was even feasible to pursue her passion for writing and the arts while being married.
At just 11 years old, she was a flower girl at a cousin’s wedding in Calabasas, an experience that left her feeling overwhelmed.
With rose petals in hand and an adult-sized chest, she found herself grappling with the expectations of a traditional ceremony, feeling more like an outsider than a participant.
Even though she loved the idea of love, her childhood influenced by Disney and fairy tales made her dream of a perfect romance seem distant.
As a teen, she indulged in the freedom of flirting online and exploring romantic connections with various boys, embodying the spirit of liberation prevalent in the early 2000s.
Her first serious relationship blossomed with her high school sweetheart, yet the anticipation of marriage loomed over her future.
In a candid conversation with her cousin about her marital expectations, she confidently stated she would be married by 25, only to be met with laughter.
By her mid-20s, after ending a long-term relationship, she was living alone in a cramped studio apartment, embracing a new life path that led her closer to her true aspirations.
While pursuing writing and nurturing her creative side, her personal life remained active, as she dated various men, exploring different dynamics.
Marriage began to feel more daunting as she attended numerous weddings, caught in a whirlwind of commitment while still engaging with her artistic ambitions.
Tracing back to her parents’ love story that ended in marriage later in life, she found comfort in the idea of love but questioned the timelines imposed on her.
The breakup with her graphic designer boyfriend in 2020 coincided with a period of personal turmoil, making her realize her desire to let life unfold naturally.
This led her to meet Tyler through a dating app, where a shared dislike for mayonnaise sparked their initial connection.
Over four years together, their relationship weathered challenges including family tragedies, the pandemic, and academic pursuits, proving their partnership could endure adversity.
In the summer of 2024, Tyler proposed in a picturesque setting, solidifying their bond amidst the trials they had faced together.
Despite her happiness, she wrestled with societal notions about marriage being out of fashion, feeling pressure from a literary community that often emphasized individualism.
The two engaged in discussions about the compatibility of marriage and artistry, citing insights from writer Helen Garner about the need for flexibility.
Joan Didion’s critique of unthoughtful marriage in Las Vegas added another layer of doubt, leading her to question conventional paths.
Ultimately, she and Tyler decided to marry in January, at the iconic Little White Chapel in Las Vegas, just weeks after significant political events affected the country.
Amid the pre-wedding chaos, she felt emotional not from nervousness but from the realization that she was crafting her own narrative around marriage.
Acknowledging her shift in perspective about marriage, she embraced it as a meaningful commitment rather than an obligatory or outdated decision.
This moment of clarity allowed her to redefine what marriage meant to her, recognizing it as both a promise between partners and a hopeful symbol in a challenging world.
Her experience leads to a profound question: rather than asking if marriage detracts from artistry, we should consider who is entitled to be labeled an artist in the first place.
This exploration highlights the delicate balance between personal dreams and societal expectations but ultimately affirms the beauty of forging one’s path in love and creativity.
image source from：https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2025-05-30/la-affairs-diana-ruzova-disney-princeses-was-i-ready-for-my-own-happily-ever-after
